The Empowering “Why Me”
- Helen Zhao
- May 3, 2019
- 5 min read
“Why are you so special? What can you do that I can’t? We can get thousands of people from elsewhere, why you? Show me what you’ve got! ” someone shouted in her face with anger. That moment was quite intimidating to her; she felt being put on the spot, pushed around, and made fun of.
Good news is, life moves on. That challenging question stream turned out to have a total ironic effect on her personal growth: it built her up instead of tearing her down; it inspired her to discover her unique set of values. She realizes that she is, in fact, a ‘very special’ person. The once “unpleasant” moment later became her lifelong trophy.
Alright …
Thanks Learning,
Next!
What would your answer be if you were asked these questions out of the woodwork? I bet this could be an awkward moment for most people; some of you might even find it uncomfortable, challenging, or even offensive. Instead of focusing on the negative or the intent of the questioner, have you thought about how this question can help you grow?
I
lived
it
myself .
I condensed that question stream into the Empowering “Why Me" : the most aggressive yet effective way to dig out one's uniqueness. In addition, it pushes us to gain the kind of competitive edge that others may be lack of. The bottom line is, it enables us to show others (especially bullies) what we are truly made of in a non-aggressive way.
“Why Me” becomes my go-to: whenever I felt stuck at anything, literally anything, I will go back to it. Today, I use it to help myself and others around me.
“Why Me” - Personal Growth
First, I was able to have breakthroughs: things I never thought I could ever improve.
Become a Better Host
Despite having experience hosting speaker events in the past and had run my Meetup group for a few months, I always remember myself as a soft-spoken and awkward person. What breaks that belief is “Why Me”: it made me realized I am a likeable person who are also a creator and a connector. Bring people together, connecting one another, sharing knowledge, making friends, and facilitating conversations is what I am good at: I can certainly do better as a Meetup host, and my skill will only get better every time. So I did it! Feel free to visit Let's Make Great Friendships: my goal is to bring people together, build friendships, and create a culture of trust.
Speak Loud and Clear
Oh god, tell me about it! Despite working on my volume forever and ever, I never seemed to see the improvement I want. Until one day, I lost my temperament on someone and ended up giving him my piece of mind in the most honest way possible. Unexpected, he listened to me without pushing back. I admitted I could do better than that, but the result certainly gave me answers to "Why Me". First, I am capable of making my point clear and having difficult conversations with others. Second, I can speak really loud that the entire room can hear me with no problem. The realization gave me a sense of certainty when speaking in public. Just being clear: doing what I did is not recommended. I later followed up with an apology, and I appreciated his understanding. Here is the food for thought: if growing yourself is at expense of sacrificing a relationship, which one would you choose?
Adopt New Skills Fast (Enough)
Ever since I realized that learning at my own speed didn't really help me in any ways, I started to push myself to the point that I can pick up something fast enough as if I’ve done it before. At least, the work I present won't make you think I'm a complete newbie. My lessons learned from the past prompts me to answer “Why Me”, and I realize I have the ability to achieve anything I put my mind into. It grows me into a fast learner and adopter.
Stay Positive
It’s so easy to be negative and pointing fingers. Our brains are wired to promote survival, not positivity. It’s almost automatic to look at what being done to you than realizing all the good things that happened for you. “Why Me” makes me realize positivity matters to success (individual and team), and they come hand in hand. Practicing staying positive has been my priority.
“Why Me” - Realize My Own Values
“Why Me” also made me realize my uniqueness. Instead of telling you all about me, I want to hand it over to you: “Why You”?
The intent is not to pile up bullet points of personal uniqueness to feel good and significant, it’s for us to know what set ourselves apart from the crowd, how to make the best of our lives, and what motivates us when life gets tough.
My habits of getting up early, practicing daily self affirmations, appreciation, and listening to motivational video also started from “Why Me”. These activities are my ways to maintain positivity during tough time.
“Why Me” - Helping Others
Society's culture is very much "Against the Little Red Hen", and my goal is to be a giver, not a taker. Inspiring and coaching others through what I've lived through is also big part of who I am. (ie: writing blogs)
Resume & Interview
Recently, my husband and I coached a group of people on resume building. I used “Why Me” to show them the way: “imagine the recruiter asks you why you should be the chosen one instead of others, and you have only 1 minute to convince him/her to hire you. What would you say? Likewise, your resume should reflect the same message.”
Boosting Individual's Morale
We all feel discouraged from time to time. Going through life is like running a marathon, you get tired over time and get stuck with difficulties. You either slow down or quit halfway. I lived through many of them, and I know how it feels like; having doubt in oneself is just inevitable. When someone shares their challenges with me, I always try to make them realize how strong they are (AKA: Why They): "You have already gone this far, I can see you will push through it."
Long-Range Growth
People need to learn and grow, so do organizations and communities. When helping a community to develop, a list of "Why Community X" is helpful in terms of setting standards and directions, and identifying its competitive edges. When launching your startup one day, developing a list of "Why Me" questions can definitely help you to win customers by setting your business apart from the competitors.
Never underestimate the power of “Why Me”. It’s the most empowering question that helps you to figure out yourself, realize your values, and find your north star.
Oh well, I can talk forever. Over to you guys: "Why You"? Do you know why you are so special?
Disclaimer:
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author's. Any examples, dialogues and stories used within this article are fictional: they do not describe any real-world individuals or organizations. Assumptions made within this article do not necessarily represent author's opinions. The information contained in this article is not legal advice, and is intended solely to provide general guidance on matters of interest for the personal use of the reader, who accepts full responsibility for its use.
Reference:
1) The Rainforest: The Secret to Building the Next Silicon Valley - By Victor W. Wang and Greg Horowitt
2) Thank you, Next! - Ariana Grande
3) Tony Robbins: Stop Your Negative Thinking (Tony Robbins Depression) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4mbZFN_qfw
4) Sunday Firesides: Against Little Red Hen Culture | The Art of Manliness:
Photo Credits:
1) Pexels Stock Photo: https://www.pexels.com/