Be Emotionally Independent

Emotional independence means how you are feeling inside does not depend on the outside world.

Being emotionally independent does not happen overnight. For some people, they need to go through certain experiences and (or) find their own purposes and values to become emotionally independent.

The beauty of being emotionally independent allows you to generate happiness within. You are happy because of the purposes you have established for yourself, not because of anyone or anything else. So, take a closer look at your inner world: what's truly happening there?

Little did we know: there is difference between happiness and pleasure. Happiness is a state generated within; pleasure is the feeling that provides you with a fleeting enjoyment. Happiness can be a state of accomplishment, fulfillment of helping others in need or achieving a goal you’ve been dying for. Pleasure can be the satisfaction of eating food you like, buying designer clothes or handbags, or going on a luxurious vacation you’ve been longing for.

Distinguish happiness and pleasure helps us understand how our emotions and feelings are generated. Furthermore, having such understanding allows your emotion not to be dictated by the outside world.

Don’t allow anyone or anything to make you feel bad. This is the first step to achieve emotional independence. When someone talks negatively at you or tells you that you suck, don’t let the negativity bring you down. There are people choose to talk down at others is because they are not confident about themselves. They have fears so they want to make others have the same fears they do. Knowing our worth is important. Imagine you are a 100-dollar bill. Someone uses a pair of scissors to trim off the corner or even cut it in half. How much does this bill worth? Nothing less: it still holds its full value. Likewise, when others try to make you feel bad about yourself or make you believe you are less than you are truly worth, don’t fret. You still worth your net worth, and it won’t decrease because of what other people do or say about you. Never let others make you feel less of who you are. What others have to say about you does not matter. What truly matters is how do you think of yourself.

Second, understand your purposes, passions and values. This allows you to understand what truly generates your happiness within. Here I emphasize the word “within” is because happiness can not be generated from anything outside of your body. For instance, being with someone you like, eating your favorite food, buying high-end items only give you pleasure, not happiness. Therefore, these things should not be the cause of your happiness. Then, ask yourself these questions: should I feel unhappy If I can not be with someone whom I like, my favorite food items sold out, and I can’t own that piece of designer dress? If you find yourself have trouble stay happy without someone or something, you are somewhat emotional dependent. If you are emotionally independent, your happiness should depend on our inner self:your purposes, passions, and values.

Last but not least, focus on yourself. It might sound a bit self-centered to some of you, but it is not written to interpret as such. Self-focus means to focus on the current: your current tasks, plans, and goals. Meanwhile put less emphasis on other people or things happening around you. Do you know what is most destructive? Magnifying the problems or worries. If you shift the spotlight away from the surrounding and put it right above your head, then you know what’s important to you. This does not mean we should ignore those who need our attentions or helps. My point here is to keep pure focus on what matters (the current), and let go of the trivial because there are way too many of them. We simply don’t have that much energy or time for them. A friend of mine once said: “When you enter a room, you hear noise from people’s conversations. Does the noise matter? No. Focus on what’s important; the rest is just noise.” I love his quote because it speaks for many of us. This quote also sheds light on emotional independence: Don’t let the outside dictate your emotions or distract your focus. You know what is important to you.

The truth is, we are all emotionally dependent to certain extend. It is because we are human beings. More or less, humans care about what others think of them and care about things happen to them: that’s how our emotions swing. However, we want to be as much emotionally independent as we can. Such achievement would build us into less emotional and more rational beings who are strong and successful.

Note:

Above content only represents author’s perspective on certain subjects. There is no real story or person (people) used or referred in this blog post. Author was expressing her thoughts in a board and general term. The purpose is to inspire, motivate and share knowledge and experience with others.